Allowing Myself to Be Lost

A friend of mine on Facebook recently posted a quote by Henry David Thoreau on her wall.  It read, "Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves."  That struck a cord with me on many levels.  I am lost and I am floundering in my life.  I am fighting against the tide and trying to find a way to anchor myself and keep myself from drifting.  Not anymore.  This quote has given me a release mechanism with which I can allow myself to be lost and see where I end up.

You see, I have a pretty good idea of where I want to be in life, but I can't see any way to get there -- YET.  I flip and I flop in my decision making, thinking I'll do this and I'll do that, but never really committing to anything.  On top of that, I have been on autopilot for the last five years, working and raising two small children, who aren't as small anymore.  I have struggled financially, moved many times, and just worn myself out.

So where does that leave me?  It leaves me lost, but now I know that is OK and that I need to stop fighting it.  I have decided to take December, January, and maybe February off from paid work and focus on urban homesteading.  Odd time of year to do it I suppose, not being able to garden and forage.  However, I have been working on stocking up on food and supplies for winter and I will find other ways to homestead.  Making my own soaps, candles, finding some wool to spin and dye, knitting, sewing, and generally being as self-sufficient as possible.

Where will my journey take me?  Who knows?  I will spend my days homesteading, running and caring for myself, and getting involved with community.  My evenings and weekends with my kids, enjoying life and exploring our natural world.  Maybe I can get involved with urban farming and creating a self-sustainable urban culture in my city.  I know there are those who are working on it and I want to help.  This may put my feet on a new and exciting path and I am now happy to be lost.

For now I will record my journey here, although I may evolve to a different blog that is specifically about urban homesteading.  Either way, I hope you will follow my journey.  I would love to have you along.

Find your passion.  Love your passion.  Live your passion.